Recognising yourself
Search AA, NA and other UK recovery meetings by postcode, town, or fellowship, in person or online. No sign-up. No tracking of who you are. Just the door, the time, and how to get there.
People search for the ACoA traits after something clicks. Usually it is reading one line somewhere and feeling caught out by it.
The list is not a test and it is not a diagnosis. Nothing here can tell you what you are. It is a description that a lot of people who grew up around addiction, or around any household that was frightening or unpredictable, find uncomfortably familiar.
Last updated: 26 July 2026.
They are a set of fourteen characteristics, written in 1978 by Tony A, describing patterns that often show up in adults who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes. Adult Children of Alcoholics calls them the Laundry List, and they are the founding document of the fellowship. You can read them in full, in ACA's own words, on ACA's website.
The themes run through most of them. Guessing at what normal is, because you never had a reliable version of it. Finding it hard to finish things. Lying when the truth would do just as well. Judging yourself without mercy. Struggling to have fun, or feeling faintly ridiculous when you try.
Then the relationship patterns. Being drawn to people who need rescuing, or to chaos, because calm feels like something is about to go wrong. Feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Being terrified of being abandoned and staying in things far too long because of it. Reacting to people rather than acting for yourself.
And underneath, the thing most people notice last: a habit of taking the blame. Feeling guilty when you stand up for yourself. Confusing love with pity, and being drawn to people you can pity and rescue.
No. This is the most common misunderstanding about ACA, and it keeps people out of rooms where they would fit. The fellowship's full name is Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. If your childhood home was frightening, chaotic, cold, controlling or unpredictable, whether or not anyone was drinking, the traits will often describe you anyway.
Plenty of members had parents who never drank at all.
It is worth saying plainly. Reading a list and feeling seen is not the same as being told what is wrong with you, and nobody at a meeting will label you. The traits are useful because they name something a lot of people carry without a word for it, not because they sort people into categories.
You also do not have to identify with all of them. Most people find some land hard and others do not apply at all.
Some read more. Some sit in a meeting and just listen, which is completely normal and expected. ACA is free, needs no referral and asks nothing of you beyond turning up.
There are 143 ACA meetings listed across the UK on this site, 55 of them online, so you can start from your own front room if walking into a room is too much right now.
Fourteen characteristics written in 1978 by Tony A, describing patterns common in adults who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes. Adult Children of Alcoholics calls them the Laundry List. They cover guessing at what normal is, harsh self-judgement, fear of abandonment, taking on other people's feelings, and being drawn to chaos or to people who need rescuing.
Yes. The Laundry List is what the fellowship calls them and the traits is what most people search for. Same fourteen characteristics, two names.
No. The fellowship's full name is Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. If home was frightening, chaotic, cold or unpredictable, the traits often describe you whether or not anyone drank. Plenty of members had parents who never drank.
No, and nobody at a meeting will label you. The list is a description that many people find familiar, not an assessment. Most people identify with some of it and not the rest.
There are 143 ACA meetings listed across the UK on this site, including 55 online. They are free, need no referral and you can listen without speaking.