For families & friends
Grew up with a parent's drinking or using. The patterns you carry make sense, it was not your fault, and here is where to turn.
If you grew up around a parent's drinking or drug use, you may carry it still, long after childhood: a watchfulness, a habit of looking after everyone else, a difficulty trusting or switching off. None of that was your fault as a child, and it is not a flaw in you now.
Naming these patterns is not blaming your parents. It is the start of carrying them more lightly.
Many people who grew up with it recognise some of the same things: being hyper-alert to other people's moods, finding it hard to ask for anything, feeling over-responsible, people-pleasing, or struggling to trust. These are understandable ways a child adapts to an unpredictable home, not signs that something is wrong with you.
A child is never responsible for a parent's drinking or using, and never responsible for fixing it. You did the best you could with what you were given. You are allowed to put that weight down now, in your own time, with support.
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) is a free, peer-led fellowship for exactly this, with meetings across the UK, in person and online. NACOA, the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, runs a free helpline on 0800 358 3456 (Monday to Saturday) for anyone affected by a parent's drinking, at any age. Both understand this from the inside.
People often describe hypervigilance, people-pleasing, over-responsibility, difficulty trusting, and trouble relaxing or knowing what they feel. These are understandable adaptations to an unpredictable childhood, not flaws. ACA and NACOA (0800 358 3456) can help you make sense of them.
Yes. ACA is for adults who grew up with alcoholism or other family dysfunction, including drug use and other kinds of unpredictable or harmful home. You belong there if it speaks to your experience.
No. A child is never responsible for a parent's drinking or drug use, and never responsible for fixing it. You did the best you could.