For families & friends
For the people around someone with an addiction. You did not cause it, you matter too, and help exists today.
Worried about someone? You are in the right place. This is for the people around someone with an addiction: the partner who cannot sleep, the parent who is frightened, the grown-up child still carrying it. You matter too, none of this is your fault, and there are people in the UK who can help today.
You did not cause it. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it.
Al-Anon calls these the three Cs. Addiction is an illness, and no amount of love, logic, or trying harder makes someone else stop before they are ready. That is not a failure on your part. It is the nature of the thing.
It is easy to disappear into looking after someone else. But your own health and support are not selfish, they are the ground everything else stands on. The NHS puts it plainly: getting help for yourself puts you in a better position to support your loved one. Looking after you is one of the most reliable things you can do.
A partner: living with someone whose drinking or using frightens or exhausts you. You can love them and still put your own safety, and any children's, first.
A parent of a younger person: worried about a teenager. You can act for a child in a way you cannot for an adult. Your GP, FRANK and your local young people's drug service are the first ports of call.
A parent of a grown-up child: frightened for a son or daughter who is using or drinking. Families Anonymous and Adfam are built for exactly this, and you can set limits without cutting them off.
A grown-up child: you grew up around it and still carry the patterns. ACA and NACOA understand this from the inside.
A friend or sibling: your worry counts too, even from a step back. Low-commitment options like online meetings and helplines are a good start.
Helping or enabling? and when they won't get help.
If this is someone you manage rather than someone you love, there is a separate page for employers and managers.
The family fellowships are free, peer-led groups for the family and friends, not the person using. You can go whether or not your loved one is doing anything differently.
Al-Anon is the most established in the UK, with hundreds of meetings and a helpline on 0800 0086 811, open 10am to 10pm every day of the year. In Northern Ireland the number is 02890 682368. Families Anonymous (020 7498 4680) is the more available 12-step route for families affected by drugs. ACA is for adults who grew up with it, and Gam-Anon supports those affected by someone's gambling. Nar-Anon UK exists but is thin, so for drug-affected families Families Anonymous is usually the more reliable option.
No. Al-Anon puts it in three lines: you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. Addiction is an illness, and no amount of love, logic, or trying harder makes someone stop before they are ready. That is not a failure on your part.
You cannot control or cure it, and ultimatums and surprise interventions tend to backfire. The approach the evidence supports in the UK is CRAFT, a calm, non-confrontational way of supporting someone toward help, available through services like We Are With You, Change Grow Live, Scottish Families and SMART Family and Friends. The most reliable first step is getting your own support.
Al-Anon is a free, peer-led fellowship for anyone affected by someone else's drinking. You do not need a referral, and you do not need the drinker to be doing anything differently. There are hundreds of UK meetings, in person and online, and a helpline on 0800 0086 811 (10am to 10pm, 365 days). Families Anonymous is the equivalent for families affected by drugs.
No. Threatening, violent, or controlling behaviour is abuse, and it is a separate thing from addiction, even when substances are involved. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours, for women), the Men's Advice Line (0808 8010 327) and Galop (0800 999 5428, for LGBT+ people) can help. Leaving can be the most dangerous moment, so get specialist safety planning first.
Enabling is a pattern, not an accusation, and noticing it does not mean you have done anything wrong. It usually means doing things that unintentionally soften the consequences, like money, lifts, or covering for them. Adfam's guidance is simple: think through your limits, say them clearly, then follow through. You are not to blame for the addiction.
Your own support matters in its own right. A family fellowship like Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, a carer service like We Are With You or Change Grow Live, or your GP are all good places to start. Getting help for yourself also puts you in a better position to support the person you are worried about.