Question 1

Is it my fault that someone I love is addicted?

Accepted Answer

No. Al-Anon puts it in three lines: you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. Addiction is an illness, and no amount of love, logic, or trying harder makes someone stop before they are ready. That is not a failure on your part.

Question 2

Can I make them stop, or make them go to treatment?

Accepted Answer

You cannot control or cure it, and ultimatums and surprise interventions tend to backfire. The approach the evidence supports in the UK is CRAFT, a calm, non-confrontational way of supporting someone toward help, available through services like We Are With You, Change Grow Live, Scottish Families and SMART Family and Friends. The most reliable first step is getting your own support.

Question 3

What is Al-Anon, and is it for me?

Accepted Answer

Al-Anon is a free, peer-led fellowship for anyone affected by someone else's drinking. You do not need a referral, and you do not need the drinker to be doing anything differently. There are hundreds of UK meetings, in person and online, and a helpline on 0800 0086 811 (10am to 10pm, 365 days). Families Anonymous is the equivalent for families affected by drugs.

Question 4

They get aggressive when they drink or use. Is that just the addiction?

Accepted Answer

No. Threatening, violent, or controlling behaviour is abuse, and it is a separate thing from addiction, even when substances are involved. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours, for women), the Men's Advice Line (0808 8010 327) and Galop (0800 999 5428, for LGBT+ people) can help. Leaving can be the most dangerous moment, so get specialist safety planning first.

Question 5

Am I enabling them?

Accepted Answer

Enabling is a pattern, not an accusation, and noticing it does not mean you have done anything wrong. It usually means doing things that unintentionally soften the consequences, like money, lifts, or covering for them. Adfam's guidance is simple: think through your limits, say them clearly, then follow through. You are not to blame for the addiction.

Question 6

How do I look after myself?

Accepted Answer

Your own support matters in its own right. A family fellowship like Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, a carer service like We Are With You or Change Grow Live, or your GP are all good places to start. Getting help for yourself also puts you in a better position to support the person you are worried about.

When someone you love is struggling.

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