For families & friends
Worried about a friend or a sibling. Your worry counts too, and here is how to help without trying to fix it.
You do not have to live with someone, or be their partner or parent, for their drinking or drug use to weigh on you. Worrying about a friend or a sibling is real, and it can be lonely precisely because people assume you are a step removed.
You cannot fix it for them, but being a steady, honest presence matters more than you might think.
The same three things apply: you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. That can be a relief. It means the job is not to save them, but to stay yourself, look after your own wellbeing, and keep the door open.
You can say, calmly and without ultimatums, that you have noticed and that you care. You can keep inviting them to things, keep treating them as more than the problem, and avoid covering for them. And you can look after yourself, including stepping back when you need to. A low-commitment start, like an online meeting or a helpline, is easy to suggest and easy for them to try.
Al-Anon (0800 0086 811) and Families Anonymous (020 7498 4680) welcome friends, not just family, and both are free with online options. Adfam has clear information for anyone affected by someone else's drinking or using, and the helplines below are there for you as well as for them.
Say what you have noticed, calmly and without ultimatums, keep including them, and avoid covering for them. You cannot fix it, but being a steady presence helps. Suggest a low-commitment first step like an online meeting or a helpline, and look after yourself too.
Your worry is valid, and a caring word from a friend can land when family feels too close. Keep it about what you have seen and how you feel, not labels or threats, and let them know you are there.
Yes. Al-Anon and Families Anonymous welcome friends as well as family. They are free and anonymous, with in-person and online meetings.